How just talking to a friend changed my outlook

It’s Midsummers night 

Being Married to a Latvian, I have had many experiences of this Pagan tradition. Every year on the closest Saturday to the Summer Solstice, the Latvian community gathers to hold a celebration steeped in many years of history. A night that has survived the rigours of time , an ever changing world and years of occupation and oppression. Suffice to say that this is the most important reflection of the  Latvian culture. But more than that, it is a celbration of freedom, of life of family and friends and something the Latvian people take very seriously. 

The Women make veils of flowers for themselves and huge veils made of sprigs of Oak for the men lucky enough to be named Janis, (John) or Peteris (Peter). It’s a celebratory night out full of traditional songs, dancing, drinking and the general merryment on the day that has the longest exposure to sunlight throughout the entire year. Exactly the place you don’t feel you don’t belong if you are feeling down.

An unexpected reunion

As I settled into the evening, beer in hand (I was not Bob tonight), and greeting acquaintances I knew through years in the community and having the same conversation every time. “How are you? good thanks and you?” I was standing next to my family when I saw the tall, folically challenged bespecticled image of a friend I had known for years but did not see that often, Loic. Loic is like me, a non-Latvian married to a wonderful successful Latvian woman. We have both learned about the culture together, have had lots of shaslic (barbequed pork on skewers) and been to many a Latvian celebration together. This is how our greeting went:.

Him: “Hey, how you doing”

Me: “ Alright mate, hate my job, but alright. How about you”

Him:” Really? Me too, I quit”

Different job, same shit

Through talking to Loic, I found that he had felt as if he did not add value at work. He was in a role where he was relied upon, but at the same time, taken for granted. A known problem solver, all of the problems came to him along with the pressure. If improvements were not found, somehow he felt the blame was laid at his feet whilst others manipulated the situation to their advantage. It all sounded rather familiar, almost like he was living the same experience as me, just in a different workplace. And so, when an opportunity to change presented itself, to leave the toxic culture and to take control of his own destiny, he grasped it with both hands.

 

A realisation

We spent the whole evening chatting, discussing perceived injustices. Talking about cases of burn out and stress that we had seen around us and generally putting the world to rights. So much of what we discussed brought me to the realisation that I was not alone. A common theme was running, (not just for us, but for many people in our age group and beyond.) There is a culture of attricion running through many businesses these days. No matter your history, successes or loyalty, if you no longer fit the model, the attrition will come for you in the form of:

·      Overcomplicated administration

·      Impossible clients

·      Endless company “training” material

·      Unicorn town hall meetings

·      Being told you are “too expensive” for this or that project

·      And the worst of all – Radio silence

I realised that – despite, the different industries we worked in. The attrition method is common. I had seen many close colleagues just quit over the past year. And when I look at the reasons they told me, it was always the same. Now I was finding out that it was not just my work, This is happening all over. In workplaces all around, people are quoting the same stories. For me, it is It has been the main cause of a huge change in my sense of worth and it has been affecting my mental health. We shared how it affects your life, your mood, and innevitably your family. The results are the same:

·      Finishing a days work with a sense that you achieved nothing

·      Constant fatigue and the inability to sleep

·      Irritability

·      Wasting your free time

·      A general feeling of uselessness 

We agreed that something needed to change. For him it was a new opportunity, a different challenge and a leap into the unknown.  I just needed to find what it was for me.

You are not alone

The great thing about a mate is this. They listen, they are not afraid to challenge your ideas, they don’t judge you and they help you reflect and they hide all this behind a conversation over a few beers.

When I was preparing to go to the party, I was filled with dread. I thought I will have to pretend to be happy, I will be pleasant and I will hide what is really going on. 

But actually, it was one of th best things that could have happened. Whilst my wife and kids enjoyed the midsummer festivities. I did not mope around and bring them down. I bumped into a mate, I talked about my situation, I found common ground and I found the beginning of a new sense of purpous. Life is changing, Storm clouds are gathering, but they will clear and who knows what is on the other side.

To Loic, I simply say this, Thanks Mate.

Keep in touch:

For anyone reading this who is going through a similar experience or has come out the other side, I would love to hear from you feel free to drop me a line and let me know how it is, or was from your side. And if you feel no-one gets you. Just call that mate you have not seen for a while and meet up for a coffee or go for a beer. That’s what they are there for.