5 Game-Changing Tips to Take You from Stressed to Empowered

A Guide to Regaining Balance and Confidence in Your Life

Introduction

In a recent blog post, I discussed how I experienced a low level of self-esteem and how sharing with a friend helped me come to an important realization. I was not in a good place, and I needed to start getting a grip.

I was disappointed with my work, I felt uneasy about the future, and I could not cope well with the present. One of the ways this manifested itself to me was what seemed like an endless list of to-dos that was always there.

I was unsure where to start, what was important, and I was living in dread of the next thing on my to-do list coming along. So I took a morning, thought about it, and started to get things in order. I started to move from stressed to empowered.

5 Ways to Move from Overwhelmed to In Control

• • Prioritize and Organize

• • Set Realistic Goals

• • Learn to Say No

• • Adopt Mindfulness Practices

• • Build a Support System

1. Prioritize and Organize

The list I had was not unusual by any stretch of the imagination, but it was there, and it was bothering me. Just household stuff and admin, but before beginning, to me, it was all urgent.

I was going on our annual trip to Latvia in a week, and I thought I needed to get this all done. It was stressing me. In between that, if it was a nice day, we wanted to get out of the house and get the kids out too. 

And when they are home, kids are always coming with ‘urgent’ needs of some kind, like help finding a thing they need now or guidance on what to do – because “I’m bored, Daddy” – or simply just wanting to spend time with me. 

I could not see how it was all possible. So I decided to just write it all down to begin with, to understand what the scale really was. Not one who has notepads or pens lying around the house, I picked up my phone, opened notes, and just jotted down the things I needed to do and why.

• • Prune the front garden and weed everything — We will be away, and if we don’t do it, all will be overgrown when we return.

• • Clean out the garage — It’s a mess in there, and there is stuff that needs to be recycled – moved on.

• • Reserve a slot at the recycling center — Obviously a knock-on from the garage cleaning.

• • Do tax returns — Deadline is approaching so better get that done.

• • Fix the shed floor — Some dampness caused rot; I need to repair it.

• • Order and fit a new bathroom light — Special bulb has gone, and I need to replace it.

• • Paint the shed — Old paint is showing wear, and I need to prevent more problems.

It’s true; when I visualized everything like this, it seemed trivial, a weekend’s work at the most. So what’s the problem? The problem was, I didn’t know where to start.

2. Set Realistic Goals

I had everything there in front of me, and I was thinking, “Okay, now I need to see what’s important.” I needed to classify what was important and urgent, not urgent but important, urgent and unimportant, and finally, not urgent and not important.

Actually, I found a free app on the phone (yes, free), called Tick-Tick, that did this for me. All I had to do was write down the list and classify it like you see above. This gave me a quick view – called an Eisenhower Matrix – that showed me at a glance where to start. A great thing it also did was integrate into our family calendar so I could see when I could fit these things in. I won’t go into the details of the app here, but the result was clear:

• • I could see what was important and urgent because they had deadlines approaching:

• • The front garden will grow like crazy during the summer.

• • The taxman does not care about your problems; a deadline is a deadline.

• • To pack the car for our trip, I needed to get through the garage.

• • The work on the shed could wait until I was back; it was the middle of summer, and I could do this to prepare it for winter.

• • We had another light in the bathroom, and in the summer, it’s used mainly in daylight anyway.

It was clear after this small exercise that I only had a couple of really urgent things to take care of. And so, my wife and I began with the garden on Saturday morning.

By Sunday evening, all of my urgent tasks had been completed, and I was only left with the non-urgent things. I felt like I had achieved something, and I had the results to show for it.

3. Learn to Say No

In my work, I have learned to say ‘no’ to many random ideas or scope-changing requirements, even to the highest C-Level executives. You see, if you can justify the response with relevant data or a well-presented argument, any reasonable person will understand your position and weigh up the cost of pursuing their need. 

The same cannot be said for your kids. Kids (by their very nature) are unconcerned about your reasons not to do what they want.

The kids use tactics such as emotional blackmail, puppy-dog eyes, feigned sadness, and (if all else fails) tantrums and sulking to get what they want. To be fair, some executives do this as well, but that’s another blog for another time. 

Kids are living today in an instant-gratification society, and it’s not their fault; it’s ours. We built this based upon what we wanted when we were kids; we created our own hell. So it’s up to us to teach them to be patient, to understand the value of helping, and to learn to not say ‘no,’ but to communicate the ‘not now’ in a way they accept.

I found this works sometimes:

• • “I’m busy with this at the moment, but I can help with that after.”

• • “Wow, I have to finish this; it would be great if you could help me, then I can help you sooner.”

• • “You know how you solved it all by yourself last time; do you think you could do that again?”

This never works:

• • “Can’t you see I’m busy?”

• • “Do something else.”

• • “Go and ask your mother.”

4. Adopt Mindfulness Practices

When we reach a certain age, talk about certain things, and click on certain links, it seems we are flooded with ads or posts telling us that we are procrastinators and that some chemical in our body is causing us to be unhappy. Essentially, that we are doomed if we don’t:

• • Download their app.

• • Pay a small monthly fee.

• • Listen to the sounds of nature and breathe deeply.

The world of online advertising in the world of social media is cynically designed to hone in on what bothers you and make you feel that it can solve all of your problems. If that is what floats your boat, then good luck to you, but personally, I don’t buy it. I have tried one or two, and frankly, here are some simple alternatives that don’t break the bank and still give you the ‘headspace’ you need:

• • Listen to some music in your room (just like when you were a teenager).

• • Take up a hobby (if you have the time) like writing or art.

• • If you need to be outside, go for a walk, or jog, or buy a fishing rod.

• • If social activities make you feel good, join a social group in either an active or supporting role.

• • Take up a musical instrument.

The trick is finding some time for yourself. This does not mean you have to grow a beard and a manbun or sit cross-legged in a mountain to feel good. But you do need time to yourself, time to reflect, and time to do some mental cleanup.

5. Build a Support System

What is a support system? It’s family, friends, and people who you can talk to, people who get you. Many make the mistake of thinking work is their support, their crutch, their reason to be. This is not the case; work is a means to financially support you. Mental support will very rarely come from work. Unless you are in an occupation surrounded by empathy and support, such as an emergency worker, a medical professional, or another profession where the primary function is the care of others, then it is likely that your work is not your support.

In many cases, in fact, work is the primary cause of stress. In my post “The Importance of a Friend,” I speak about how a support system can be just one person. It can also be many. Just make sure your support system works for you. And don’t forget to lean on it when needed.

Conclusion

When you feel overwhelmed by what seems like an endless list of tasks in front of you, sit down, look at them all in front of you, prioritize, and act on the top priorities. Stop or delay the distractions and deliver something, some progress.

You will find it will free you up to be in a better headspace, feel a sense of accomplishment, and free up some time for self-reflection and sharing a more relaxed version of yourself with your family and friends.

Take care of yourself.